If you haven't met her yet, you should...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MIZ FIT!

Tomorrow's Walk: NOT on the Treadmill

Tomorrow the girls and I are heading to the biopark for the dragonfly festival. I love our zoo, aquarium and gardens here in Albuquerque, although I don't get over there as often as I'd like. That's about to change, because I'll be applying for a volunteer position as a zoo docent!

The garden area is huge, and there's nothing like walking through it at any time of the year. Both the zoo and gardens are expanding, there is an insectorium going up, and they just opened up the Japanese gardens last year. I can't wait to go tomorrow, despite the forecasted 100° heat. Not only will I get in a great (and long) walk tomorrow, I'll get to see some of the new sections of the park.

Expect a bunch of photos:)

The Glass

Today I'm back up a pound to 252.4 lbs. I know it's not my eating. I did skip part of the treadmill yesterday... just did enough to warm up then went home and did a little stretching. My shins hurt like crazy, and the last thing I wanted to deal with was a stress fracture. Today I was back on the treadmill, with a slightly increased level, which immediately set my kidney to bleed, something it hasn't done in a while. I just overdid it I guess.

This afternoon I'm working more on my economic situation, reworking my designs website and getting ready to add new products.

I'm also kicking back with Voltaire's Candide. You can also read it online HERE. It's the story of Candide (Optimism), a young man who finds himself expelled from his home where he has learned that one finds oneself always in "the best of all things in the best of all possible worlds" Candide, facing all sorts of trials, maintains that this is right and good, and that any suffering he experiences is only preparing him for something good. Unfortunately, this only leads him to more suffering. I love Voltaire's cynicism, and his recognition that bad things happen that are out of our control, as well as those things we can control. Candide thinks only good thoughts, yet is continuously denied any good outcome, something I think a lot of us have experience with.

I consider myself a bit of a realist. If the glass is half empty, it's also half full, and vice versa. Sometimes you have to focus on the half empty part and refill it. Sometimes you have to focus on the half full part and drink some.

Today I'm looking at both sides with balance, in my health, my finances, and other aspects of my life.

Tomorrow, when my kidney heals a little and my swelling goes down, I expect to be under 250 lbs. That's a half-empty/ half-full statement right there :)

Keep On Keepin' On

I usually don't like to post double at once, but in this case I feel there is something I need to address. Yesterday I read three posts about joblessness, and a couple comments about government programs. It seems to be on an increase, and I see loads of my online contacts losing their jobs, unsure of where to go next. Having Lupus, and having been on the extremes of being rather well to do and very poor, I think I have a little insight into both ends of the scale. Disability, the economy, and other situations can make life hell for a lot of people.

I've always felt that I have to push beyond my Lupus, and it's something that's done me well in life. Sure, I've had those spoon-free days when I'd spent all my energy the day before... times when I've been laid up in bed for a week after a day's hike, times when even coming down the stairs brings tears to my eyes. But my motto has always been: Do what you can on days when you can. Life is short.

My friends and half my doctors are aghast at my plans to go back to work, at least part time. I do have a 5 year plan to own property and be back at work full time, and everyone shakes their heads at that. Right now I've had limited hospitalizations and I'm not ready to concede it's because I'm not going to work everyday, dealing with those stressors, and triggering lupus flares. I'm pretty confident that many of the stressors I'm faced with now are a heck of a lot more severe than anything I've faced in my careers, except maybe teaching middle school in an Atlanta urban school, which was quite possibly the worst experience of my adult life.

There are a lot of things I want to do that will bring joy to me as well as money,but I know that the economy is unlikely to give me a break. My plan right now is to volunteer at the zoo (they have a binturong now! You have to know me to know what that means!) and hopefully when the kids graduate, to go to work there. If the Obama health care plan passes, I'll be able to go back to work and get employee insurance, despite my Lupus. Any other time in the past, going to work disabled would have meant the loss of my insurance, and a pretty sure disintegration into disability again. I'm hoping that, if I find a job I enjoy and have insurance coverage, I'll be able to continue work into retirement age and possibly beyond.

It's going to be a high wire act for me: Balancing between work and wellness, but one I'm very determined walk.

Both girls (at 15) have been looking for work all summer. They do pull weeds in the neighbor's yards (especially when said neighbors are up for inspection) when they can. They both volunteer a lot, and have built a pretty decent resume. Problem is, a lot of the jobs usually taken by kids are being taken by out of work adults. This galls them to no end, because all of my kids have a strong work ethic and know I started working and saving for college when I was five.

Yes, FIVE. I made pot holders and sold them door to door for 25 each, or 5 for $1. I also started shoveling walks and driveways at that age. By seven or eight I was making "stained glass" flowers (with a product called dippy glass) which I sold door to door for 50 each or 3 for $1. By the time I was 11 I was doing custom embroidery work for weddings. To advertise I'd make up a bunch of home sewn purses with my embroidery work and put my business card inside (printed on regular paper, not exactly real business cards) and donate them to the church for their rummage sales. When I moved to the country, I worked at the local egg farm every day after school (yes, I was paying taxes at 11) and babysat and worked at the local orchard.

Of course I was consistently employed during my first time through college and beyond, even in the 80s when the economy started going to pot I was working for various contracting agencies, and at Xerox I was well enough known and esteemed that when contracts came up I'd be asked for by name.

So you can't possibly imagine how galling it is to NOT be working, and trying to live off the pittance I receive from Social Security and having to dwell in government funded housing.

I know a lot of people are struggling with finding a job out there, able bodied individuals who have never had to take government money in order to feed their kids. Some of them scorn those of us who've had to. But there are going to be a lot of people going without... a lot of people who won't know how to survive on a little money, are not creative enough to find other ways to make money, who can't even find a job at the local burger joint because someone else got there first.

All I want to say to them is to continue to have hope for the future, to never stop trying, and no matter what you need to do to survive, keep up with the struggle.