Ah, Spring Has Sprung!

... and the allergens are in the air, people are getting colds and flus, and I can barely breathe. But that's not stopping me today, I'm already on a roll, and it isn't even 5am yet.

Last night I sold our sofa-bed, which means we're almost back to ground zero financially for this month. The sofa bed meant taking everything else out of our tiny living room when we wanted to open it, and that's just not practical. I'm thinking "futon".

Although I had some weird dreams last night, I can barely remember them. They're more like a lingering feeling than a clear dream, and I have little doubt a lot of that's caused by the antihistamines, which I HOPE to be able to discontinue today. I've definitely planned on too much over the next three days, and I need to be clear headed.

My son hasn't called in several days now, so I'm wondering if he's ticked off or he just doesn't want to trade his dinners for phone time anymore. I can understand that. But the soonest I can get him a phone card again is Wednesday (they deliver them once a week) and by then he could be out. He'll probably call tomorrow afternoon after his hearing.

As for me, today... I've already started my day with some of the online banking stuff. I have a meeting this morning, then this afternoon I'll run out and start some of the shopping. Top of the list right now: Mucinex and Kleenex. It looks like Cay is coming down with it, too. Tay doesn't seem to be catching it. She almost never gets sick. Lucky girl!

I suppose that I should be happy that I'll be forced to get some walking in. These last several days I feel my butt has been glued to the couch, but I just haven't felt well enough to do too much. It's kinda uncomfortable to exert yourself when you're overproducing phlegm and mucus. Mostly I've been stretching and doing a little core work to try to keep limber.

It's been over 6 weeks now since I've had a blood sugar drop below 62. I've had three between 70 and 62, but that's not too bad, and in both cases my eating had been really bad. Although that still doesn't make sense to me, because since being sick I've been really off food, but had no drops. It seems to me that they're just becoming fewer and farther between, and I'm pretty happy with that.

The bad thing is that I FEEL fat. I'm having a load of body issues right now being back up in the 200 range, and although I know there's not a heck of a lot I can do about it while I'm sick, I feel really bad that I didn't ever get down to the 160s, and that I stayed so close to 200 that THIS could happen. This feels too much like my new normal... like the way I felt emotionally at 400lbs. But even though I know I'm still literally half the woman I was, I can't see past the fat. I'm definitely up a whole pant size from a year and a half ago, and that really bothers me.

The other thing that's really getting to me is how OLD I believe I look. Of course, I AM old... well, This year I'm 53. Yesterday I was watching Face Off, and the project the makeup artists had was to transform triplets with age makeup: one at 50, one at 75, and one at 100 years old. The 50 year olds were frightening. The one makeup job that I thought looked most like my own aging was judged by the judges to be "too subtle" and "not aged enough"... which made me really worry about how old I REALLY look vs how old I THINK I look.

I think I'm getting to the age where I'm not fooling anyone but myself. I'm going to have to think on that a bit.