Wednesday Weekly Weigh In

I have to weigh in on a little more then my actual weight today.  I'm weighing in on how my turn around day went.  It went pretty well.  Although I continue to have nightmares, my dreams are more direct, and I actually end up analyzing them when I'm sleeping.  Last night, for example, I dreamed of fire.  There was a huge fire roaring through the bosque and into the city.  I knew the houses were burning a scant block away and I could see the flames.  Small sparks and ash was making it's way onto the houses across the street.  The firemen said we were safe, and that the fire wouldn't cross the street, but I didn't believe them. I started packing to evacuate.

In my dream, I was packing my important papers.  I couldn't find my important legal papers and records.  I kept coming across stupid stuff in my files (a sonogram of my son that doesn't exist in reality) and after I pulled the sonogram the third time, I started laughing because I KNEW I was dreaming.  I realized that I wasn't worried about my papers, but the fire, the reference to my son, the missing papers, all had to do with the stuff I'd surrendered the day before.  Then I woke up.

Surrendering, offering up, letting go... whatever you want to call it... it doesn't come easy to me.

I woke up, laughed it off, and went to the living room to read.

Today I'm having a really rough time with this head cold/ flu/ whatever.  I can't kid myself that this is allergies anymore.  I'm running a fever and it's moving into my chest.  I picked up an inhaler today.  I don't often use them, but I like to have them on hand when I need them.

I'm also a swollen yucky mess.  My nose looks like it's been gone over with sandpaper.  My face, feet and hands are puffy, and I'd really rather have crawled back into bed this morning instead of having to go out for a couple hours.  I'm not surprised that my weight has been all over the place in the last few days, from 195 to 202.

and of course the worse I feel the worse I eat: Loads of salty soup, toast when I'm feeling a bit queasy, and a little rice when I'm feeling adventurous.  Honestly, I'm surprised my pants still zip up.

The worst part is that I have all these lovely greens I bought, but eating them is tough enough when I'm well. When I'm sick they just sit in my stomach... a ball of indigestible fiber.  I'm not even going to try it.  Cay, however, seems to be enjoying them.  And I'll probably cube up some tomatoes and peppers to toss on them with some hard boiled egg, onion and cubed chicken breast and top it all off with some feta cheese crumbles and maybe a touch of feta dressing.  Cay will be delighted.  I'll be jealous.  But at least I'll know she's eating well.

For me tonight it'll be another can of salty chicken soup... and maybe some dry toast.tonight it'll be another can of salty chicken soup... and maybe some dry toast.