sunday... Sunday... SUNDAY!

Watching the drama on The Apprentice, and I'm happy to say that's ALL the drama I've had to deal with today.  Cay and I went out to the shops... we did a thrift store (where I got my summer work sandals for $5.99) and K-mart and Albertson's for a few things we needed.

I'm honestly surprised I'm not feeling more stressed out than I am.  Right now I feel pretty calm.  This morning when I woke up I was totally stressing over my son, the shopping, the budget, and just about everything.  I'm kinda glad there's no snack food in the house, because I don't know that I wouldn't have been munching all morning if there had been.

Right now I've packed my son's stuff up in a suitcase and a bag that he can attach to the suitcase, and tomorrow I'll make contact with the hospital, but other than sending him a phone card once a month or so, I'm pretty much at the limit of what I'm willing to do.  I want to make sure he gets treatment while he's in jail, and that he has treatment and options when he gets out, but he's going to make his own choices no matter what I think is best, unless I want to go to court and have a conservatorship of the body (kind of like a guardianship in some states) over my son.  I don't. It wouldn't be safe for me or the girls for me to try to exert that level of control over him.  He needs to be in a supervised living environment... and doesn't want to be.

These last few nights I've had nightmares about him.  I won't say that I don't worry.  But there are limits to what I can do for him.  I've made deals with DAs in three states, flown him cross country 4 times.  Set him up in apartments, replaced everything he'd lost time and time again.  And I just can't do that anymore.  Right now I'm pretty comfortable with my boundaries with this, and I know what I'm willing and not willing to do.

Tomorrow once I get back with the court and the hospital over his meds, I'll be shifting gears and trying to make a workable budget for March for the girls and I.  I've got a loan to pay back, the girls' glasses to pay for, a tuition downpayment for Cay and a trip to Las Cruces to tour the campus and city for Tay.  I also have plans to do at least two fun things this month: I'm thinking of doing a matinee movie this weekend with the girls (less likely) and I can get discount tickets ($5 each) for the Southwest Coffee and Chocolate Fest, which I think is the biggest bang for our buck when it comes to fun.

I think that as tough as it's going to be, we'll be able to work through this month, and that helps me feel a whole lot better than I thought I would at this point.

It's time to shift the focus back.