Where in the World?

Today I'm dealing with some blues.  My son is planning to leave Albuquerque and move to Louisiana, perhaps as early as next month.  His best friend is planning on going "home", and Chewy plans on going with him.

It's not that I see him a lot.  Things between us are strained as his condition deteriorates, and there are times I wish he lived in another state.  But it's also worrisome to me.  I won't know where to find him if things are going bad for him.  Won't know who to call if he disappears again.  I'll have to merely trust that no matter how bad things get, he'll make the right choices.

And he'll be gone.

My eldest will also be moving shortly... probably next summer... from LA to Oregon.  Not someplace BIG in Oregon, mind you, but barely accessible tiny town along the shore nestled between state and national park land.  LA I can drive to in a day.  This place?  It's a bit farther out.

And in two years the girls will be gone:  Cay wants to go to school in San Francisco, Tay wants to go to school in Japan or Canada.

My best friend and all of my college buddies are in Western NY.  I think a lot about going back to Rochester as I get older.  There's a lot of mixed feelings on that one.  First, I'm not so thrilled about being around my relatives.  Second, I worry about my health in the harsh winters.  But on the flip side there are my friends, a possibility for new friends, and a guy who I just can't stop thinking about since I met him earlier this summer.

Here I have the zoo, the weather, and some pretty great senior programing.  It would be perfect if I could bring the entire Rochester community down here.  Or if I could have Albuquerque weather up there.   Or maybe I should just move to that backwoods community in Oregon, or fulfill my dream of living in Berkeley and getting more degrees.

Where in the world should I go in two years, when the family that holds me to this city is gone?

I faced this in 2006 when I decided to come here on my own.  The idea was to give me a place to settle, to put down roots.  And don't get me wrong, I do love Albuquerque.  But my entire time here was spent on getting my son services, getting my girls through school, and dealing with health issues.  I haven't gotten out there and fostered any relationships at all.  I don't know if I even know how to anymore.

I'm growing old and crotchety.  I'm not happy with that.  I need to be part of a community.  I even consider going back to church, to choosing to believe in a god (I'm an atheist)  just to be part of a community.  There are communities I love up north:  church communities involved in their greater communities... and that's something I'd be interested in.  Church here is just... churchy and extreme.  My docent work at the zoo, while a wonderful experience for me to work in education and with the animals without making the schedule commitment to work (since I  have health issues),  just doesn't give me the depth of social contact I crave.

Part of me sees this time of life ... empty nesting... as full of possibilities. Once again I will have a great deal of choice in my life.  I just don't know what to choose.