Today is bad. I've felt kinda numb all day, and I remembered very well why I like highly spiced food. It's because on days like today it makes me feel alive when nothing else does. Went out to the thrift shops today to try to find a winter coat in my size... got a nice heavy fleece that may be warm enough for winter, but is certainly warm enough for the 40˚ weather we have now. We also went to the store to pick up milk and syrup for the girls, who for some reason can't have berries on their whole grain waffles. While I was there, I noticed something shocking... Doritos. Not just any Doritos TACO Doritos back by popular demand splashed all across the front of the package.
Now once upon a time I used to call Taco Doritos and A&W root beer "the breakfast of champions" It was a mighty temptation, let me tell you, but I passed on them.
I wish the rest of the day had gone as well.
As night-time came on my mouth became filled with sores (not unusual for a lupus flare) and I felt more and more lethargic. I had some nice chicken noodle soup (not a lot of calories but way too much sodium) but just didn't feel that umph that I sometimes look to food for. So I sent the kids out with a fiver to score me some Doritos. They came back later with the goods: Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos, and I sat down with the bag and The Amazing Race.
And as I watched the teams running to try to beat each other out, suddenly I wanted that more than the Doritos. I wanted to be fit enough to at least try to outrun someone else, to be well enough to do something truly amazing, whether it was the race or not... and to reach my goals with respect to my fitness.
Today I made poor food choices. While I probably went around 2500 calories, my sodium intake was HUGE, and I'm going to have a devil of a time of it this week. The struggle is going to be compounded by the lupus, which will make working out very difficult, and Housing, which requires me to go around to different agencies this week and get a whole lot of paperwork, which will cut into my workout time.
All I know is that tomorrow morning I WILL go to stretch and tone, and tomorrow afternoon I WILL spend a couple hours in the pool, but what happens between those workouts will depend on my health and endurance.
For now, the best thing I can do is sleep, and hope I wake up with enough spoons to make it through the day.
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5 comments:
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. I read the link you have for spoons. I had no idea that was what it was like to have Lupus.
Now you need to follow that advice and take it easy and take care of yourself. :)
Wow that was a powerful story about the spoons. I had no idea either. I pray you will have extra spoons for tomorrow.
As someone who had to quit work at age 30 (after getting my degree, getting my registration via a test, only getting to use that education 1.5 years), I appreciated that spoon pdf. That's exactly what it's like. You can't just take on the day unbridled. I have four pills and assorted inhaled medications that have to be factored in (and when you eat affects that). I have days when my energy is so low I sleep for 14 or 18 hours. I have days when washing my hair and blow-drying it is my BIG TASK. A shower can seem daunting. A household chore is beyond me. Dishes sit.
The spoon theory is one of the best ways to explain how dealing long-term with a chronic illness affects one's routine of days.
I hope your flare-up subsides soon and your spoons increase.
Hugs,
The Princess
Hey there ... my name is Wick Davis and I'm with the Lupus Foundation of America. I came across your blog and wanted to say hi. I'm in the process of reaching out to other lupus bloggers. I was wondering if you'd be interested in exchanging links to one another's blog. You can read the LFA blog here http://lfa-inc.blogspot.com. I have already added a link to your blog on the LFA blog, in the section called "Lupus Blogs We Read." I would love to talk more with you. You can reach me at davis@lupus.org. I hope to hear from you. best, Wick
Thanks, Wick. I'd been in remission for so long I'd taken out all my lupus links... I suppose in that optimistic denial we all get that I wouldn't be using them again. I'll be adding the section back on to the sidebar, and of course you'll be there :)
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